Manic.

Wake up, I'm okay.
Get dressed, I'm okay.
Drive to work, I'm okay.
Get to work, I'm okay.
Hour into work, suddenly not okay.
10 minutes later, even, less okay.

Wind up, wind up, wind up.
Like a child's toy.
I'm suddenly very much not okay.
Wind up, wind up, wind up.

Don't be stupid.
Don't lose your cool.
Where did this come from?
Who will get the brunt of this sudden destructive anger?

I need to scream.
Wind up, wind up, wind up.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Where is a punching bag when I need one?

Wind up, wind up, wind up.
Wait.
Wind down, wind down, wind down.
Suddenly it's going away.

Wind down, wind down, wind down.
Sigh in relief.
Its gone.

What the hell was that?
And why does it keep happening?

Shit. Fuck. Damn it.

"Speak when angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret" -Ambrose.

Anger.
To me, it's all consuming.
I don't just get me I immediately fly into a full on rage.
Its uncontrollable.
I want to hit things.
Hit someone's jaw.
Break shit.

I see red.
Like a bull in a China shop.
Everything is in my way and can be destroyed.
Fuck with me when I'm angry and you'll regret it.
Or I will.
I do dumb shit when I'm pissed.
I do before I think.
I break before I think.
I scream before I think.
My actions and words work before my brain has a chance to catch up.

When I'm angry, everything makes me infuriated.
Immediately.
All I want to do is scream, yell, destroy.
Scream out every curse word until I lose my voice.
And I have no idea how to stop it...