Weddings.

I'm getting married.

It's a scary yet thrilling thought.

I have been thinking about my wedding since I was a little girl.

I had everything planned out. It was going to be huge and beautiful.

But now...

Everything has changed. A big wedding no longer seems important. And who the hell is going to walk me down the aisle???

With my dad gone all I want is the people closest to me there because no one else really matters. The wedding isn't for them. Its for me and Matt.

I'm going to disappoint a lot of people that want to be there but screw them I'm doing this the way I want with the people I want.

Not having my dad there to walk me down the aisle has discouraged me to a point where I just don't care about what people think about it anymore. Besides I'll have a reception for the rest if them.

But now planning it....that's an even harder topic to think about...I,know it needs to happen soon so we can plan a budget and save but...I'm still not,over the death of my dad...and every time I think about planning...I can't breathe...

Soon, hopefully soon, I'll be able to think about it without wanting to break down...

Because I love Matthew with all my heart and planning this day for us means the world to me.